Audiophools of Middle Earth!
		Audiophools are people who spend big money on equipment that produces subjective differences in reproduced sound! In real earth, things like cryogenically treated electrical outlets and goop you put over microchips to make them sound like vaccum tubes are sold to audiophools and they claim to hear the difference. These are the same people who paint the rim of their CDs green and hear better sound.
			They've reached the Shire!! Now the following things are being done in Middle Earth to make a more transparent effortless sound. The following is what I can come up with right now...
				1. Thermally treating Rings by placing them in a fireplace, then immediately playing them will make the sound more realistic. 2. Placing Wizards on the turntable of a gramophone with a strong spring motor, taking the wizard off, then playing a record.. This is said to decrease the wow and flutter. 3. To spin a Wizard around, you need an elven spring. This is the kind that lights up blue in the presence of enemies. Playing the record while the spring is blue will instantly trash the record! 4. Coloring the Tengwar script on a Ring green with ink will make the ring sound more transparent. 5. Whacking the Ring with an axe might cause the ring to sound like a live performance. 6. A hand-fed punched paper tape machine sounds more lifelike than one driven by a spring. 7. Running someone through with a recorded sword will make it sound more warm. 8. An arrow in the sound-box of a gramophone will make shellac 78 RPM records sound clearer. 9. Treating the arrows with, um, blood will make it sound like Bose. 10. Stuffing Uruk-Hai hair into the Orthophonic folded horn will decrease surface noise.
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